Was I that blind?. Following the popular Netflix series, Bridgerton, Kate Sharma, the frustrated would-have-been bride of the viscount asked out loud when she finally saw the obvious chemistry between her sister and her supposed to be husband. A lot of girls have said this weeks, months, or years after getting heartbroken by a guy as soon as they see habits that they should have noticed earlier if they were not so blinded by love.
It’s okay to get into a relationship open-minded, but going in open-minded and blind is a delicious recipe for heartbreak. This is why it is most advised to fall in love head first not heart so that you can be sober enough to weigh your compatibility with your newfound muse.
In some other cases, ladies notice these signs, they even discuss these challenges that they are facing in their relationships with their friends. But they still believe that their love is strong enough to change their partner. It is important to note that most red flags DO NOT change to green, pay attention to what they are showing you and deal with it. Never ignore red flags.
There are hundreds of red flags out there on the internet. But of course, you can’t look out for one hundred red flags in one person, that will be mentally exhausting. Find out first what you can and cannot endure. That is what you should be looking out for. The minute you notice one of the character traits you cannot condone run Amand run. Here are some common red flags in relationships.
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
A lot of avoidable quarrels and misunderstandings can ensue, due to a lack of communication in a relationship. A break in communication on his part can make the entire relationship one-sided. It would seem you are dragging him along. Once you notice the communication problem, either you confront him about it or you simply walk.
OBSESSION/LOVE BOMBING
Love bombing simply means when he showers you with intimate words, gifts, and everything nice at the early stages of your relationship. It is not entirely wrong if it’s mutual and you are comfortable with it. But as soon as you feel something is off about the amount of “I can’t breathe without you”, and I can die without your hugs you keep getting, talk to him about it.
IT IS ALL ABOUT “HIM”
When you are having a conversation with a guy and he keeps saying words and sentences like I, me, mine, what I like, what I want, etc, there’s something wrong with that. Either you are ready to sacrifice your needs and wants at the altar of his very inflated pride and self-centeredness, or you wish him good luck in his future relationships.
MENTION HIS EXES IN EVERY SENTENCE
You are either in a relationship with a heartbroken man or one that is still very much in love with the woman in his past. Either way, you are going to get hurt. He needs to get over his past relationship to get on with a new one. He will always compare you to what he had in the past and with that, you’ll always come second.
CONTROLLING
A little suggestion on how you dress or who you hang out with, solely based on opinion and care isn’t so bad. But when it turns into an authoritative demand, and law on who you should be friends with, where you can and can’t go, where you should work, etc. Some men even go as far as requesting access to your passwords. Kindly extract yourself from the looming emotional abuse you will eventually suffer down the line in that relationship.
SHADINESS/INCREASED SECRECY
Privacy is not secrecy. It’s okay if he needs some space or there are some things he might not be comfortable talking about. Relationships are built on trust, and this trust stems from you and your partner’s ability to be open to each other. Once you notice he is keeping a lot of information about himself away from you, it’s either he doesn’t trust you or he feels insecure about you.
MANIPULATIVE
Men in this category usually begin with sentences that look like “If you love me you will not do this”. Blah blah blah, give me a break. Nobody should be consistently subjected to the love test. Why are you the only one trying so hard to prove your love?. Staying longer in toxic relationships like this might hurt your self-worth and make you question if you truly know how to love a person.
EVERYONE ELSE DISLIKES HIM
How is it possible that everyone that has ever loved and cared for you dislikes this person and all that comes to your head is everyone is against me? If one person hates a lot of people, that’s fine but if a lot of people dislike one person, then there is something not just right they are seeing which you are either oblivious to or you have simply chosen to ignore.
FLIRT
Cheating should be listed as one of the red flags but even before that, I believe some signs speak volumes about your partner’s impending infidelity, flirtatious being one of them. When he speaks to the waitress in a sultry manner or he smacks a girl’s bum at the beach in front of you. That’s a clear sign of disrespect and will make room for constant infidelity in the future.
EXCESSIVE EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS
Being emotional is not wrong. What is wrong is how he handles his emotions. A man that cannot control his emotions can easily get physically or sexually abusive. He can also resort to addictions such as alcohol or drugs to quell surging emotions he can’t quite handle. Being in an abusive relationship is not the fairytale love life anyone wants.
CONCLUSION
Red flags are important to notice and discuss to avoid getting hurt in the future. What you choose to ignore will not stop and no, your love is not strong enough to change a man that has refused to change. If you find it painful imagining yourself in a long-term relationship with this person then by all means walk away. Be unapologetic about wanting to the happy and desiring the best from a relationship. You deserve all the joy that comes with loving the right person. Do not settle for less.
